canada6.htmlTEXTStMl>փքz Canada List - Christmas Special

Canada List - Christmas Special


Here it is. Short and sweet. This is but one thing, but it is worth the time

to read it.




(with pictures)



This is a classic. I'm sure many of you have seen it before, but it

generally gets a great giggle all of the time.



December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in

a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred

times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,




December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle

doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just


All my love,





December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve

such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must

insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,




December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they

are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are

being too romantic.




December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings,

one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.

Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on

my nerves.

All my love,



December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying

on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These

geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are

complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.





December 20, 1972


What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming.

What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house

and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and

I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.

So stop those freaking birds.




December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with

8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and

8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their darn cows.

There is manure all over the lawn and I

can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.





December 22, 1972

Hey Bonehead:

What are you.....some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing.

And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since

they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're

stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The

neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !




December 23, 1972

You rotten jerk:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those

sluts ladies. They've been playing around with those pipers all

night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea.

My living room is a river of crap. The Commissioner of Buildings

has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building

shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you !





December 24, 1972

Listen you "#$%*_"

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies?

Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through

the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three

of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy.

I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.


You're sworn enemy,




December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling

which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.

The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come

to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at

Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to

shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.



Law Offices



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