Disclaimer

DISCLAIMER: This site does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either

myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't

freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change

without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any

resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely

coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash

only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your

mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this

message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat

emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes

full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no

message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are

discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an

authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory -

explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find

objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep

away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money

down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly

required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures

sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles

may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if

safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising

from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or

swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation;

avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from

open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do

not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not

place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be

hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is

the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if

ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a

physician; message are ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for

early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher

west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to

read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,

tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God,

neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or

unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered

serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom

vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and

incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor

vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken

glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be

limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm,

torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives,

stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.