Chain Letter - Sent 10-17-97

You are receiving an ancient chain letter that has been passed on through the generations since, oh, about 2:30 last Tuesday. It is now your solemn duty to create, let's make it 42, copies of this letter and send it to whomever you can think of. Doing so will ensure happiness, success, and general good fortune for the rest of your miserable existence. Breaking the chain will cause you to die at the hands of crazed otters. Here are some interesting stories, which are almost certainly fabricated, about those who did or did not send off their copies:

-Captain Ahab of the whaling ship Pequod received a copy of this letter from his first mate, Starbuck, but threw it into the sea. Hours later, a huge white whale bit off his leg. Coincidence, or a novel by Herman Melville?

-God, himself, sent off over a hundred copies to his angels and archangels, and he's doing pretty good for himself, wouldn't you say? An interesting side note: Archangel Satan broke the chain and was consequently banished to the Underworld. See, it DOES work. So, save your eternal soul and send off those copies!

-Bob Smith, a resident of Fictitious, Wisconsin, received this letter in the mail and promptly fed it to his pet goat, Fluffy. Fluffy developed an incurable intestinal disease from the ink and died two weeks later.. Fluffy's corpse fell into a nearby stream and consequently poisoned the entire water supply for all of Fictitious. Dozens died and hundreds more lost thousands of dollars from sick days. Bob Smith was discovered as the culprit and was lynched and set on fire..

-Ms. Kari Hishfield of Delaware blew off her duty as a member of this prestigious chain until she began to projectile vomit for no good reason. She quickly recovered the letter and sent off 42 copies. Her vomiting dropped off to a mere trickle, and by now, she can finally bear the stench..

-Frank Gubinaire threw his letter in the garbage, but as he did so, he got a paper cut. It doesn't seem like much, but it was a REALLY nasty paper cut and it hurt real bad..

-Mike Chinchilla dutifully sent off his 42 copies and, the very next day, recovered $76.23 in spare change from the folds of his couch. Wow!

-Other people who benefited from this chain letter include; Dan Quayle (1988), Lyle Lovett, the Menendez brothers, and the guy who invented the meat dehydrator..

-Unlucky people who have broken the chain include; Kurt Cobain, Richard Nixon, and Arsenio Hall..

So, send off those 42 copies NOW!!! Be a gullible simp! C'mon, you wouldn't want to break the chain, would you? Remember, bad luck and misfortune follow all those who do!